Phantom Beloved



Sometimes in my dreams, I hear your voice. Sometimes when I wake in the cold, lonely darkness of the deep night, I pull the sheets close to my chest and can almost feel you breathing there beside me, so close, yet there is nothing. Nothing but my own breath, the icy air beyond the heat and fire of need roaring through me.
I know exactly what you look like, my beloved, yet I've never seen you. I know the curves and lines of your cheeks, your smile. I know the shape and color of your eyes, the way they will crinkle at the edges when you smile at me. I know so much about you, yet I've never met you, never found you in the eyes of anyone I have ever crossed paths with. Throughout my life, you have been like a phantom, silently or subconsciously pulling the strings that bring symbols and synchronicities to my eyes, reminding me always that you are there, somewhere. That you exist. That you are yearning as strongly for me to come into your life at last as I am to finally meet you, to find myself in your arms, holding you the way I've imagined holding you a thousand times before.
With each passing day, I can feel the lines that bind us together across the distances drawing tight, as if reality itself conspires to pull us into an orbit of each other. We're getting close, beloved. I know it. I can see it in the way the signs are coming together, becoming more frequent. The souls of the children we will welcome into the world together are already circling us, eager for us to meet, recognize one another and fall in love. The future is open for us, warm and wide and all blue skies washed with the majestic brush-strokes of clouds heavy with healing rain. For the first time in my life, for the first time in yours, we will feel the resonance of natural love as it rains down upon us, of a right and healthy love, and we will rise into it together with wings wide, with smiles spreading across our faces as we climb amid the warm thermals of a Spring that will never end. Wingtip to wingtip, we will find our flight, our eyes full of sky, blue meeting blue, and you, you with the banner of your black hair unfurling out long, straight and silken behind you. Your hand will find my hand and your elegant fingers will weave in amongst mine, binding us both in an unbreakable bond that neither will ever regret or wish to test the limits of.
From our first moment of meeting, you will know me. You won't be frightened when I look at you, get caught up in your eyes. You'll draw strength from it, from the intensity between us, the fire. When we kiss, it will open whole worlds around us. I know that you will rise into it, soar into it, take to it like a bird takes to air and take it for yourself because you know it is right, because it feels so right to ride that feeling, that roaring current of heat, passion, love. There won't be a shred of fear in you. There will only be strength, strength built from knowing, from seeing, from dreaming the same dreams I have dreamed. From the moment we meet, you will know that I am meant to be yours, that you are meant to be mine, that we are meant to fly as one, and it will be you who will take my hand and claim me as much as it will be me who will accept you, pull you in, knowing exactly who you are, knowing you're the one I've waited my entire life to find.


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