A Letter For A Woman Who Doesn't Exist
"Hey," you say, smiling as you stand, greeting me at the door. Your hands take mine, strong and soft as you stretch to the tips of your toes to kiss me. I feel the brush of your sleeves, breathe in the gently sweet scent that rises as I pull you close. You are exactly what I need. I am exactly what you need, and every moment in the day has been lived in expectation of this moment, this culmination, when we're finally home together again, finally serene, rooted in our unity.
Fingers tangle in fingers as you turn to lead me into our home. You haven't been off work long, but already you have set out the tools and colors of one of your projects, one of your outlets for creativity. The in-progress work sits to the side, and I smile, because already the work is as beautiful to me as you are. It seems as alive as you are, ever-evolving, rich with potential. I can't wait to see the finished form of it, hold it in my hands while you smile and tell me all of the secrets within it, the images and thoughts that went roaring through your fingers when you made it.
When we are together, our moments are sweet and peaceful. Often, we need no words to speak, to be and feel understood. A touch, a smile, the knowing that one will always welcome the affection of the other. Sometimes we sit back to back, or lounge on each other, or hold hands while we paint, draw, write or read. It's comfortable being with you. It's safe. It has all of the serenity of being alone, with none of the loneliness of being apart.
Dishes, dinner; all of the duties of life are done together, and without discourse or discussion over who's turn it might be. In every movement, every moment, we work together, asking nothing, expecting nothing, grateful for how smoothly and sweetly we work together, augmenting each other, supporting each other, picking up the slack when we see that the other is tired, doing it to make things easier, to see the brightness, the smile on the other's features. "I want to make your life easier, because I love you," we say to each other, and it is easier. Every moment is easier when we are together. We make the effort to make it easier, and in every moment, it feels effortless. Our relationship is like a painting, an art we practice together, and every stroke is made with the intent to make it a masterpiece, to make it something great and lasting, a source of pride as well as solace.
In life, we move and act as one unit. When we are together, it seems as if some part of me is always touching or being touched by some part of you. When we sleep at the end of the day, we sleep tangled in each other, a slumbering hug of two bodies blurring into one. We make love without fear or ego, and when the mood strikes us, which is often. We are open with one another, completely, and comfortable in our shared vulnerability, saving our armor only for others. There are no secrets between us, nothing we feel we could not share, and nothing else enters our intimate moments but love, love and what pleases the other, and pleasure always comes easy between us.
When we are out, you take my hand as often as I take yours. We go on long walks together, you and I, and hike and camp and bike side-by-side as one unit. We incorporate each other into our lives so easily and completely that people start to see us as a singular unit. My friends, your friends-- they blur together, and we love them all equally. We're grateful for each other. We're grateful for the roles we play in our life together. We explore together, learn new things together, make new friends together, grow together, and acheive and build so much together.
And the love we feel, the closeness-- it stays with us even as the seasons change and life speeds towards its eventual horizon. Even when the children come, we meet our challenges together, hand-in-hand, each as loyal and loving as we have always been. Our life is one long honeymoon phase, romantic and full of such love and trust, because we choose to make it that way, to find the little cracks that form with time and explore them together, work toward creating and preserving the love and the sense of serenity that we share and value so highly. We want to be together. We'd do anything to stay together, and we never shy away from the talks or the work because we know that our love is worth every drop of sweat, every tear, every lost moment given to keep our bond strong. Even when our lives wind down to darker days when every year feels filled with funerals and the ailments of age wear us down to frail figures only fighting to persist, we will persist together, hand-in-hand, always hand-in-hand, always wrapped up one within the embrace of the other, until the final day comes, when we go to the great beyond together, sharing a soul or a set of wings maybe, and leaving behind a legacy of love to prove that such things are possible, that two people can love each other deeply and completely, even through all of the ages of life, even through everything, until the end, and perhaps even beyond.
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